How to keep your relationship intact during your home reno with Joy Ball
Love and home renos, do they mix well?
Anyone who’s undergone a home renovation would agree, I’m sure, that while the end result is usually amazing, the process can be stressful.
Renos can put a HUGE strain on your relationships.
Joy Ball from Solace Counselling Services shares her wisdom on how you can renovate your home without jeopardising your relationship.

    Episode show notes

     

    Welcome to your episode show notes. Here you’ll find:

    • Show overview
    • How to find guests and hosts 
    • Guest bio
    • Episode Transcript

    Show overview

    Guest Interview Love and home improvement – How to keep your relationship intact during your reno project with Joy Ball

    In this episode we discuss:
    ● Why relationships come under strain during home renovations
    ● What couples and families can do to maintain healthy relationships during home renovations
    **This episode of the Dream Home Movement was recorded live at the RPPFM**

     

    How to find guests and presenters

     

    Follow Solace Counselling Services
    Follow the Dream Home Movement
    Follow Carl and Jo Violeta

    Guest bio

    Since 2009 Joy has been committed in offering a solution focused approach to Relationship counselling. She has supported many couples and individuals over the years providing professional support, guidance and customised strategies which are all designed to support her clients in building happier and more sustainable relationships.
    Joy is also married to a builder and has experienced over the past 30 years, the highs and lows of building and renovating many homes.

     

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    Need help organising finance for your home renovation project?

    Book your free chat with our property finance expert Carl Violeta.

    During your chat, Carl will discuss your renovation goals and current circumstances and then explain your options.

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    Episode Transcript

     

    This is an automated transcript, so it won’t be perfect

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    Welcome to the Dream Home movement. This’s your weekly dose of home

    00:00:05 – 00:00:11

    and property inspiration bringing you clever tips and advice from the very best

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    experts. And really like Renno storeys with your host Joe Violeta, Come to the

    00:00:21 – 00:00:26

    dream Home Movement. You’re here with me, Your host Joe bail letter and I

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    have a question for you. Are you ready? I know you know I can’t hear Answer

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    , But let’s imagine I can All right, Here we go. Love and home renos Do they

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    mix? Well now Anyone who’s undergone ah, home renovation would agree.

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    I’m sure that while the end result is usually amazing, the process can be

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    stressful. The truth is, renovations really do have the potential to put a huge

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    strain on your relationships. And this is something that I’ve noticed through

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    my two years off hosting this show when I meet with guests that have

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    undergone renovations. So for the rial life rhino storeys, one of the things that

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    they often talk about is how stressful it wass and that yeah, it really tested their

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    relationships. I remember once I even joked, You know, this should be before

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    you get married, you should have to go do a renovation together to see if

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    you’re really meant for each other. And if if if your relationship has the medal.

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    Teo Teo keep going. So we love renovations. But we love our relationships in

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    our families. How can we renovate our home without jeopardising our

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    relationship? Will you know what? I don’t have the answer to that because I’m

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    not a relationship specialist, but I do have someone in the studio who Khun

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    guide us through this topic. It’s joy born Joy Ball of a can’t talk joy ball from

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    so less counsellor if I pronounce that correctly joy so less counselling services

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    welcome. Teo just tripped up on that. Welcome to the studio, Joy. It’s so

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    lovely to have you here. E It would help if I turned on your mike. It’s on now.

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    That’s all. On May, we spent, like 10 minutes of May giving joy, mic

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    technique and all That is for nothing if you don’t turn on your guests, Mike.

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    But thank you so much for coming in tonight. And I’m so happy that you got

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    going to guide us through how we can renovate our homes and still keep our

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    relationships with significant others and our family and everyone else who’s

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    important to us in our lives intact. Now let me tell you a little bit about joy

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    before we get started And joy. This is thie. Very awkward moment of the

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    show where you need to sit here quietly and look at me while I read out your

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    bio. Fabulous. Since 22,009 Joy has been committed in offering a solution

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    focused approach to relationship counselling. She has supported many couples

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    and individuals over the years, providing professional support gardens and

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    customise strategies which are all designed to support her clients in building

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    happier and more sustainable relationships. Well, that sounds amazing to me.

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    Listen to this next bit, because this is where Joy really has the experience to

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    back up her expertise. Joy is also married to a builder and has experienced

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    over the past 30 years the highs and lows of building and renovating many

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    homes. So we’re not just getting the theory here were also getting the practical

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    . So first question, Joy. What do you think? Why do you think relationships

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    come under strain? Gering Home renovations. This is a really good question.

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    Thank you. Look in my professional opinion and also my personal opinion, I

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    believe when we are in the bubble of renovation, we prioritise the renovation.

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    We forget to prioritise our relationship. We stopped servicing our relationship.

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    Now one of the things I’ve always said to my couples relationships theory.

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    That relationship takes hard work. I don’t necessarily agree with it because I

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    think if you consistently service your relationship throughout the cycle in the

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    process of your togetherness, then you’re never going to do a hard day’s work.

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    So what I say when you’re in that bubble of renovations is that you focus solely

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    on getting the renovation done. You spend all your time, you commit to there,

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    and the one thing that we forget to do is look at our partner, have time with our

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    partner and enjoy that moment. And so it’s the same thing when we have kids,

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    a swell as if we’re running a business. We tend to prioritise the renovation. We

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    prioritise our Children. We prioritise work over and above what’s really

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    important. What we’re actually here to do is actually have sustainable, happy,

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    fulfilling relationships, so we just had to get caught up in that process and we

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    forget to service our relationship throughout that and when I mean service the

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    relationship, I just mean having those times together, whether it’s quality time

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    , whether it’s just happing in with each other, whether it’s just expressing how

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    much you appreciate the other person, little things, even sticky notes, just

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    little things that service the relationship that we forget during the renovation

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    process. And so what happens during the renovation process is that so one

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    partner might have a trade. And so because they’ve got that experience in that

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    industry, they going to do a lot of hands on stuff. Okay, so that takes time so

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    often you don’t have that time during the way because you’re working. All

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    right, so you’re working during the week, and then you have after hours and

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    weekends spending doing the renovation. So all your time and commitment is

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    focused on the renovation, and all of sudden the partner and the kids might be

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    saying, But where are you? What are you doing? We need we need you. We

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    need that time and to clarify they say, Well, we’ve got to get this done. We

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    want to do this, but how awful is it? And I see so many couples on my couch

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    who have been through the renovation process. They have failed to service

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    their relationship. They’ve prioritised the renovation and their relationship is in

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    crisis. And they’re close to separation or even divorce, simply because the

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    renovation has taken a number of years and for months, you know, it just

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    takes that time. It takes that time away from the ones you love. And the reason

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    behind you doing it is because you want that family unit. And so what I see is

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    that when we prioritise the renovation over the family unit, I see so many

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    people who have separated over it. For that reason, the other side of it is also

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    the stress levels thie disappointments. That happened because I mean often if

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    you’re a trade, you’ll get your friends in. They can’t commit every weekend.

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    So if you’ve got Electrician’s or a plaster or a painter, they can’t commit every

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    weekend, and all Senate delays the project, and so that creates stress. And

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    that also creates high emotions. And also it can actually create disdain within

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    the relationship because you’re frustrated. At the end of the day, So why do I

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    think the strain on so many relationships during renovation and really a

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    simplistic is thiss is that they stop prioritising their partner, the relationship

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    itself. So I’ve actually got a couple of little chips today to share with you and

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    all the listeners on how you can, in fact, change that around. That sounds

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    great. Let us know. Hit is with them. He does with it. All right, so it’s a three

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    step process now. Communication is powerful and really strong. And I think

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    even if you’d you’re ing it within a renovation. At the moment of your thinking

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    of beginning, it’s the same thing with house. If you’re building you, you’ve

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    got to know these three things. You’ve got to know why you’ve got to know

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    your wants. And you gotta know house. Now you’re wiser. Incredibly

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    important. Why are you renovating? Why do you want to build? Why do you

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    want to extend? Okay. What I do see is that without this communication and

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    being on the same page with your wise I’ve seen for example, the wife or the

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    female partner might say, Well, I want to build a family home, so I want this

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    distance, okay? And it needs to be special. And they’ve got an emotional

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    Connexion, whereas the male partner might say, Well, I’m doing it for resale

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    so we don’t have to do all those things. And because I haven’t had that

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    conversation as to what their wives are there on completely different pages,

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    sometimes in completely different books. So knowing your why is really

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    important. So this is what I would suggest you do. You both sit down and

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    write your own wise. Why is it important that you start this procedure? Why

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    renovate? Why extend? Why built why? What is that reason? And then come

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    together and explain to each other you’re wise and then collaborate a joint?

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    Why? Why we’re doing this and explain why it’s important for you. Because if

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    you’re separate, why, it’s important you now this is the one thing which has

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    been really interesting with my husband or myself. We’ve never actually done

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    this activity. Really always knew why way always knew our future intention,

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    what it meant to both of us and where we go because we were always

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    communicating what the outcome was going to bay. So we knew very clear

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    what our wives were. So there was never any arguments, never any conflict.

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    Interesting enough. We really haven’t had very many conflicts or arguments

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    ever in the 30 years that we’ve been together as overbuilding. And we’ve done

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    many, many, many houses, new and extensions and renovations. We’ve just

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    known our wise, so we haven’t had any conflict in that area. So your wife is

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    really important. So why do you want to renovate, or why do you want to be?

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    What does it mean to you? So then we come up to our Watts, and I think that

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    what’s really important So things like, What are your concerns around during

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    this renovation? What are the benefits of doing it so thes air conversations that

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    you need tohave together? What will the budget bay and I think so This is

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    really interesting, because when you’re sort of saying when you said what I

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    thought, Oh yeah, well, we have discussions around what we want, what we

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    want to do, what we want in that room. But it’s different, isn’t it? It’s a

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    different what it’s, and I don’t think we have those deeper conversations around

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    the wine. The what We just kind of lurch into the launch, I should say into the

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    doing of it. Yeah, rather than the the purpose ofthe it. That’s wrong. And so

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    you’re on different pages. So even with my husband and I, I’ve always sit and

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    this is what I visualised and he’ll say, Well, this is what I visualised too. And

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    generally we’re on the same page. But then I’ve actually asked him, This is

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    what I want in the kitchen and he’ll say, I don’t know if I could do that, but

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    leave it with me and so very clear with what we both want and what the

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    outcome’s going to bay. So with regards to the what’s its also comes down to

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    what emotional support that you are going to need from your partner. What

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    physical support. So what I mean by that is there’s another what? What I mean

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    by that is often and I’ll just use a traditional family mom and dad. Usually the

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    dad might be a trading OK and taken on the renovation or handymen, OK?

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    And so his time is taken up off this renovation, organising things,

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    participating, doing whatever that might be okay. Now, the mother’s role

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    might be, she needs to look after the Children. She’ll need to be responsible

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    for that, and it is just a traditional scenario. But it could be vice versa. Okay,

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    or the female’s role might be OK. You duel the dinners, you do the lunches so

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    I can actually get on with this. You’ve got to really distinguish what your roles

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    are. I recently spoke to someone and they knew off someone who the father

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    was actually doing A ll the after hours work, spending all this time and still

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    having to come in and cook dinners, they hadn’t actually distinguish. The

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    difference on what happens is when you don’t have these conversations,

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    resentments starts to kick in because you haven’t clarified things. Okay, so it’s

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    really important to know your what’s what physical support you’re going to

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    need, what trades you need to bring in. So it’s really clear. What are their

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    availability? Is there a possibility that it might be delayed there? The watts

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    Also, what are your expectations of your partner during the renovation? What

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    do you expect from them? Okay. What? What are your partner’s expectations

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    of you? So, as you said before, we just dive in and do without creating these

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    boundaries. And when our expectations are so you’re what’s a really powerful.

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    So you need to know you. Why? So you’re on the same page and you two

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    have a joint. Why? And you need to start asking your Watts. Okay? What

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    does it look like? What does the renovation look like? What colours are we

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    going to choose? What issues do it? Do we anticipate? But what time are we

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    going to put aside for ourselves? What time are we going to put aside for our

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    family? So then we come to the how came the how is how are we going to

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    manage difficult and challenging times? How are we going to manage conflict

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    ? How we going to manage disappointment? I thought you were going to say,

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    How do we like? How do we do the renovation? But this is you should be

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    putting into your renovation plan the how of your relationship. Absolutely.

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    Because again, what we find is that we prioritise their innovation, not our

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    relationship. So in your why in your wants in your how you’ve gotta work out

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    how we’re going to do this. A CZ wells the fundamentals, how we’re going to

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    come up with the money. Okay. How are you going to support your partner

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    during this process? And how are they going to support you? What does that

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    look like? We’re going back to the Watts. But you’ve got to know how you’re

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    going to do this, and you need to make it really clear. And it comes down to

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    your communication because what I see also, when they don’t have these

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    conversations during the process, it’s really hard to actually will raise an issue.

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    So sometimes if a partner has been working nonstop for months and months

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    and months on the renovation on DH, then takes time off. But going does

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    something for themselves rather than something with their partner in their

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    family. Resentment, Khun. Certainly kicking. But not only that. How do

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    you raise that to your partner when they’ve been working really hard for the

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    family? How do you raise that? But hang on. What about me? I’m still here.

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    What about me? And I think on so many different circumstances. We forget

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    about that, okay? And so it’s really hard for people to say. But what about me

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    ? I actually need you. I need you to be with May. I need hugs and kisses. I

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    need that companionship. I need someone who I could talk to, but you’re so

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    busy. And when that happens for quite a few months, that’s when resentment

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    kicks in and it’s really challenging so many couples. And that’s why they end

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    up on my couch, so to speak. So you want to know how the biggest thing is

    00:16:21 – 00:16:25

    how I’m going to say this. You needed to have a conversation about how you

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    were going to find the time to connect and have these meaningful

    00:16:29 – 00:16:37

    conversations, And what I would suggest is in this how is to tap in atleast once

    00:16:37 – 00:16:44

    a week? How you doing? How are we going? How are you handling it? How

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    can I help? So these are the tap in for both sides because it’s hard work for

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    both parties, and it’s really, really hard to see your partner work incredibly

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    hard on. I’ve seen it with my husband, work incredibly hard over the years,

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    tto help with our family, and it is challenging to let that go and find the time

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    with your partner and also your family. But it’s incredibly important because at

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    the end of the day, what’s it worth? Your loss is far greater than the renovation

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    . So true, so true. So it’s really, really important to tap in to see how you two

    00:17:21 – 00:17:26

    are going, because your your relationship is just the two of you. You’ve got a

    00:17:26 – 00:17:32

    tapping to see how you two are going on DH, how you’re managing it. So

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    would you for that tapping in, would you schedule an actual time to do it? Or

    00:17:39 – 00:17:43

    would you just kind of think yourself? I can’t know. I’ve got to do some stage

    00:17:43 – 00:17:49

    this week and I’ll just get it in at the opportune moment. Or would you go to

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    the length of actually getting out your diaries and matching up a time that you

    00:17:55 – 00:17:59

    have a sit down, have this conversation? How What would that look like?

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    That’s a look. That’s a really good question. Thing is, with us today modern

    00:18:03 – 00:18:08

    relationships. We need to plan particular families. We have to plan. Okay.

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    I’m sorry to say that spontaneity is in your twenties. Okay? Now we’re older.

    00:18:15 – 00:18:19

    We have to plan, so you do need to have to plan each other with the scheduling

    00:18:19 – 00:18:23

    to tap in and have that on. I do this with relation counselling because I say two

    00:18:23 – 00:18:28

    couples. Let’s plan and I hate using his word date night. But let’s plan a

    00:18:28 – 00:18:33

    Connexion time and particularly with couples with kids, it’s really hard to do

    00:18:33 – 00:18:36

    day. Not everyone says date, not We’ve got to go out for dinner. You could

    00:18:36 – 00:18:40

    have so much fun at home and our date night and when the kids have gone to

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    bed. Okay, So one of things, it’s a planet and I’m actually going to you. Can I

    00:18:46 – 00:18:53

    use the word foreplay? Well, sure. Well, external voice on thiss show

    00:18:53 – 00:19:01

    broadcast live after 7 p.m. So I think we’ve said it now. Anyway, if you’ve got

    00:19:01 – 00:19:07

    little ones listening, maybe just pop your earphones in now. No, no, that’s

    00:19:07 – 00:19:12

    okay. So it really is like a date night. It’s that anticipation. And I think that’s

    00:19:12 – 00:19:15

    really important to when you’re renovating a new plan that time. It’s an

    00:19:15 – 00:19:18

    anticipation to tapping with each other. And you don’t have to give yourself

    00:19:18 – 00:19:22

    hours. Half a Knauer is usually good. Just half now. Have a cup too. You

    00:19:22 – 00:19:26

    have a drink whatever works for the two of you just to take time for the two of

    00:19:26 – 00:19:31

    you. And so it’s also like what I see with a lot of partners is when they can’t

    00:19:31 – 00:19:35

    well, they don’t connect with each other. They tend to try and connect

    00:19:35 – 00:19:40

    consistently throughout each day. And so, if you know you have planned a tap

    00:19:40 – 00:19:43

    in at the end of each week, whatever day it is called Monday, not be fried,

    00:19:43 – 00:19:46

    and I could be sending out whatever it works for you. You’ve planned a tap,

    00:19:46 – 00:19:49

    Ian. You came to say, I’m going to write it, least of all the things that we need

    00:19:49 – 00:19:54

    to talk about so that we have a full understanding and that also could come

    00:19:54 – 00:19:59

    down with. I’m really concerned with how long it’s taking how and he comes

    00:19:59 – 00:20:04

    to how how can we make this work, that it’s more manageable for us? And I

    00:20:04 – 00:20:07

    think that someone thinking my hubby and I have used to have done over the

    00:20:07 – 00:20:12

    years I mean, we’ve renovated houses where at the end is only just one existing

    00:20:12 – 00:20:16

    Mohr remaining on. We’ve camped down in kitchen. We haven’t kitchens.

    00:20:16 – 00:20:19

    You haven’t had a bathroom we haven’t had laundry, you know, we’ve we’ve

    00:20:19 – 00:20:23

    made fun of it and we just can’t at the end of the day and we’re incredibly

    00:20:23 – 00:20:27

    grateful. I mean, I’m being really lucky to be married to a builder who is

    00:20:27 – 00:20:32

    incredibly motivated. So he he just wants Teo complete it so that we can move

    00:20:32 – 00:20:36

    forward, which has been fantastic, and I’ve been really lucky. But because

    00:20:36 – 00:20:41

    he’s a builder, our subs have always been there. So again, really fortunate.

    00:20:41 – 00:20:46

    But I understand when you’re doing it as an owner builder, you are relying,

    00:20:46 – 00:20:52

    and the sub’s do Protais their builders. There’s no doubt about that, but it is

    00:20:52 – 00:20:57

    important to understand that your priority is on will always be your relationship

    00:20:57 – 00:21:01

    and then get your innovation because you could actually have some fun with it

    00:21:01 – 00:21:04

    . If you’re communicating, you can actually get some fun. And the whole idea

    00:21:04 – 00:21:11

    of this reduces the stress levels. So your health or benefit as well, more like

    00:21:11 – 00:21:18

    the sound of that. So we’ve got the why the what and then the how? Yes, yes,

    00:21:18 – 00:21:22

    now, just to help everyone who’s listening out there, if you actually need a list

    00:21:22 – 00:21:28

    of the questions that would be great. So you don’t have to furiously take notes.

    00:21:28 – 00:21:35

    S Oh, so you’re going to pop it on the Yes, yes, you’re listening to the live

    00:21:35 – 00:21:40

    show. You can condemn me on Facebook or Instagram, so it’s solace

    00:21:40 – 00:21:45

    counselling services. So just message me. So you would like the relationship.

    00:21:45 – 00:21:51

    Renovation sheep. I’m going to call it a teacher. A. Lovett, Cici Andi will

    00:21:51 – 00:21:56

    have some questions under the How What and wise on DH Aiken, just email it

    00:21:56 – 00:22:03

    straight to a pdf. All perfect. And if you’re listening to the podcast version of

    00:22:03 – 00:22:09

    the show, I will have a link. Teo. You’ll be able to sign up for the cheat sheet

    00:22:09 – 00:22:13

    as well, and I’ll just get email. Tio, you instantly, I would imagine. Yes,

    00:22:13 – 00:22:19

    absolutely. It’s there. It’s in your in box. That’s really handy. That’s really

    00:22:19 – 00:22:24

    handy. So sorry, everyone. If you were furiously taking notes, you don’t

    00:22:24 – 00:22:33

    need Teo. It’s good. We’ve looked at how to protect your relationship and keep

    00:22:33 – 00:22:38

    it healthy from a relationship counsellors perspective. But what about from a

    00:22:38 – 00:22:44

    builder’s perspective? So your husband is a very experienced builder. He’s

    00:22:44 – 00:22:48

    done a lot of renovations and builds with you, but He also would have done a

    00:22:48 – 00:22:55

    lot of builds on Dwork with other couples and families and probably observed,

    00:22:55 – 00:22:59

    sort of you know what they’re going through. And they’re dynamic. So from

    00:22:59 – 00:23:04

    his perspective, what? What? His tips. Okay, so look, when I asked him,

    00:23:04 – 00:23:08

    What are your tips? Just from a builder’s perspective to help Help me help you

    00:23:08 – 00:23:13

    at home is the first thing he said. Look in any extension, particularly

    00:23:13 – 00:23:20

    renovation, always at 20% to your budget. Now, for those of you who have

    00:23:20 – 00:23:25

    renovated or have extended, you will always come across unforeseen costs.

    00:23:25 – 00:23:32

    There might be you might choose different appliances, or there might be

    00:23:32 – 00:23:36

    increases in different areas. Or they might be supporting beams that you may

    00:23:36 – 00:23:41

    have to have with not knowing when you started renovation. So his suggestion

    00:23:41 – 00:23:48

    is always a 20%. Now I’m going to say this to you that if you had 20% you

    00:23:48 – 00:23:52

    can’t afford the extension. You can’t afford the renovation. You need to rethink

    00:23:52 – 00:23:59

    it because I do know from experience that renovations do blow out financially

    00:23:59 – 00:24:03

    and that creates stress. And the next thing you know, not only people

    00:24:03 – 00:24:08

    disengage from their relationship they’re also having to cope with the stress of

    00:24:08 – 00:24:12

    the financial and not knowing whether it’s going to be finished or not. So his

    00:24:12 – 00:24:17

    advice was always had 20%. Okay, just consider it a trend of the day and then

    00:24:17 – 00:24:22

    decide what you can do. Come in to the Watts and how hey, you going to do

    00:24:22 – 00:24:27

    this? The next one? It was a bit of tongue in cheek comment that he said to me

    00:24:27 – 00:24:31

    , which I laughed. He said, Look, my biggest suggestion is always get a

    00:24:31 – 00:24:37

    builder, a registered builder who’s been referred. Teo Teo, I think its tongue

    00:24:37 – 00:24:42

    out achieve well. Look, it makes sense. And I can see that often. Just getting

    00:24:42 – 00:24:47

    a builder in. You know what it costs on DH? Not only that, it takes the stress

    00:24:47 – 00:24:51

    off you. So the yes, there’s some things a zoo homeowner you’re going to have

    00:24:51 – 00:24:55

    to go on, do and choose different tiles, paints that sort of thing. But you’re not

    00:24:55 – 00:25:00

    having to manage the trades. So he sick it. Get a builder that’s been referred,

    00:25:00 – 00:25:04

    even going to see some of the job sites. Just so you get a bit of an idea into Dr

    00:25:04 – 00:25:09

    buys some builders will also actually say you, Khun brings it clients you know

    00:25:09 – 00:25:11

    they’re happy to share. If they’re happy with the builder, they’re happy to

    00:25:11 – 00:25:17

    share. Okay, s So that’s what he suggested. You just get a qualified register

    00:25:17 – 00:25:23

    builder who has experienced, of course, but also it’s been referred to you. So

    00:25:23 – 00:25:29

    they were his two tips. The other thing is enjoy and have fun with it like that.

    00:25:29 – 00:25:33

    I think that’s really important because ah, no, I think that’s what people loses

    00:25:33 – 00:25:37

    that Let’s let’s just make the most of have some fun with it and just include

    00:25:37 – 00:25:43

    everybody in the process S o if you’ve got kids, include them. Yeah, begin to

    00:25:43 – 00:25:48

    tell you how many wars my two Children have demolished over. My son

    00:25:48 – 00:25:51

    would get in the Wilbur Why my husband would, you know well, well, things

    00:25:51 – 00:25:56

    around. And so they became involved in what we were doing. A swell which

    00:25:56 – 00:26:00

    is great. And they know the process just a cz as much as what we do, which is

    00:26:00 – 00:26:05

    fantastic, absolutely fantastic. So get everybody involved and I have a bit of

    00:26:05 – 00:26:09

    fun with it. So there he’s three tips a love it I love those two. They’re all very

    00:26:09 – 00:26:16

    good tips. Now, we’ve got a couple off signature questions over the show.

    00:26:16 – 00:26:22

    First one little bit of reminiscing, travelling, travelling, sort of in a bit of a

    00:26:22 – 00:26:28

    time machine. What is your favourite interior design or architectural style from

    00:26:28 – 00:26:33

    a bygone era? Okay, well, I’ve had a few over the years, actually. Have you

    00:26:33 – 00:26:37

    know, we’re talking about this the other day and way went through,

    00:26:37 – 00:26:43

    Remember in the early nineties, the half cathedral ceiling or the rate ceiling

    00:26:43 – 00:26:53

    and in with the exposed timber trusses during that period, e o huge. I mean,

    00:26:53 – 00:26:56

    my husband making me a very special and we were taken in turns, and we

    00:26:56 – 00:27:01

    would actually try and dust the exposed timber trusses because it doesn’t

    00:27:01 – 00:27:05

    collect on. They give that when you’re sort of planning your village like this

    00:27:05 – 00:27:12

    would look amazing. But the practicality, Yeah. Other thing which we had,

    00:27:12 – 00:27:16

    which again was horrendous. Now, thinking back was, remember the glass

    00:27:16 – 00:27:22

    roofs so often you have the classroom’s over the dining table or just that little

    00:27:22 – 00:27:27

    look you’d have and have a glass roof we had in Mount Martha. Actually, we

    00:27:27 – 00:27:31

    had the last second storey. In fact, the glass came from Crown Casino so that

    00:27:31 – 00:27:35

    we’re going back when that was first built. Wow, we are told. And so the

    00:27:35 – 00:27:41

    glass went down from the top storey raped to meet the sliding door cavities

    00:27:41 – 00:27:45

    there. I think that’s what you call it, but it doesn’t matter. So we had this glass

    00:27:45 – 00:27:51

    roof and trying to clean that was two storeys trying to clean a glass. Roots two

    00:27:51 – 00:27:57

    storeys high, wass just horrendous. So even the heat that penetrated through

    00:27:57 – 00:28:02

    the glass roof so look good in the nineties. I don’t know what it would look

    00:28:02 – 00:28:08

    like now in 2020 but it was really fashionable back then. Look, I thought

    00:28:08 – 00:28:13

    flannel shirts with fashionable in the nineties, so I totally get where you’re

    00:28:13 – 00:28:18

    coming from You. So these sort of my favourites that I reflect back on and I

    00:28:18 – 00:28:21

    have a giggle that because they were fun to do at the time and they were

    00:28:21 – 00:28:25

    different and they were out there. And but now, reflecting back thinking,

    00:28:25 – 00:28:32

    there’s no way I’d do that now e love it, I love it. And when you hear the

    00:28:32 – 00:28:36

    phrase dream home, what does that mean to you. Okay, so for Mei, it’s

    00:28:36 – 00:28:42

    something different. Dream home is safe. Dream home is somewhere where I

    00:28:42 – 00:28:48

    can just unwind and relax my family. Khun B Dream Home for May is just

    00:28:48 – 00:28:54

    something that’s serviceable for my needs and my family’s needs. And the

    00:28:54 – 00:28:59

    other side of it is you want to be able to go home and go, Yes, I’m home and

    00:28:59 – 00:29:04

    that’s a dream home for May you Khun decorated you, Khun dual these things

    00:29:04 – 00:29:10

    . But if it doesn’t have that feel, it’s just not a dream home. Yeah, and I think

    00:29:10 – 00:29:14

    we spent so much time and energy and trying to make it look like a dream

    00:29:14 – 00:29:20

    home that we don’t put the energy into the feel of the place. And so there’s

    00:29:20 – 00:29:22

    been some homes that we’ve lived in over the years that I’ve been quite

    00:29:22 – 00:29:29

    connected to some homes that I haven’t I haven’t had that comfort internally.

    00:29:29 – 00:29:33

    That emotional comfort, the one that we were in our house that we’re in now

    00:29:33 – 00:29:39

    it’s my favourite and and I just can’t wait to get home. And just just at home,

    00:29:39 – 00:29:45

    Yeah, Dream homes home. Is there something in particular about that home?

    00:29:45 – 00:29:52

    Can you put your finger on it. For us, it’s a transition. So our Children are

    00:29:52 – 00:29:58

    moving out on DH, so it needed to be a space where we were comfortable. It’s

    00:29:58 – 00:30:05

    a transition for us at the moment, but not only that. It’s near the beach way.

    00:30:05 – 00:30:10

    Walk on the beach and we can take a dog for walks. And, yeah, it’s just for

    00:30:10 – 00:30:14

    that. It’s just that entire feel of that location that we can relax and unwind.

    00:30:14 – 00:30:18

    And even when in the middle of winter, it’s just It’s just a really nice,

    00:30:18 – 00:30:23

    comfortable space that we’ve created without the stress and tension, which is

    00:30:23 – 00:30:29

    lovely. And so that’s a dream home for May. Oh, perfect. Perfect. Now, if

    00:30:29 – 00:30:35

    people would like to explore this topic further around renovating and keeping

    00:30:35 – 00:30:41

    their relationship nice and healthy, there’s a few things they can do so they can

    00:30:41 – 00:30:46

    download the cheat sheet. Yes, message me Now, if you need just message

    00:30:46 – 00:30:52

    me on Facebook or instagram Solace Counselling Services S O. L counselling

    00:30:52 – 00:30:56

    services, you could head there. My website. I’ll try and get that up on the Web

    00:30:56 – 00:31:01

    site over the next week or so, but certainly message may with your email

    00:31:01 – 00:31:05

    address and just say, Can I have the renovation relationship cheat shit. I’ve got

    00:31:05 – 00:31:10

    your house wise. And what questions there that you can sit down and have a

    00:31:10 – 00:31:16

    conversation perfect for. If you are in the middle of renovating, let’s just take

    00:31:16 – 00:31:21

    a break and let’s regroup and start asking these questions So you have really

    00:31:21 – 00:31:26

    clear for the rest of the renovation eso you can contact that, But the one thing

    00:31:26 – 00:31:29

    I’m actually quite excited about, I have to say, Joe is over the next couple of

    00:31:29 – 00:31:32

    months. I’m actually doing it online course, and it’s called conscious

    00:31:32 – 00:31:36

    communication. Sounds amazing. So by the time the podcast comes out, I

    00:31:36 – 00:31:41

    reckon it’ll be it’ll be up and running her rate. Good, good. So it’ll be a guide

    00:31:41 – 00:31:44

    on how to be out of communication. Sometimes it’s really hard to express our

    00:31:44 – 00:31:47

    needs and our feelings, and we do a little bit of mind reading. And Schumer,

    00:31:47 – 00:31:51

    partner will know S So this is this conscious communication is about

    00:31:51 – 00:31:55

    supporting you and your partner in building that Connexion through

    00:31:55 – 00:31:59

    conversation through communication, so it will be a step by step programme.

    00:31:59 – 00:32:04

    I’m going to try and keep it affordable as I can and you’ll be out of access on

    00:32:04 – 00:32:07

    my website, which is Solis counselling services dot com. You. But that’s

    00:32:07 – 00:32:10

    going to be in the next couple of months and that’ll be an online. It will be an

    00:32:10 – 00:32:16

    online programme with videos, video. It will come with the programme a

    00:32:16 – 00:32:20

    Spack Ege, so you’ll be able to get these sheets. It’ll be slides. It’ll be

    00:32:20 – 00:32:25

    guidance. It’s me guiding you amaze you three stages through how you Khun

    00:32:25 – 00:32:34

    build that communication up. That sounds so hee Get people. So you know,

    00:32:34 – 00:32:38

    in all honesty, I don’t want them to come to me. I actually want them to be out

    00:32:38 – 00:32:43

    of work on it at home and building. If this could be a guide Fantastic, fantastic

    00:32:43 – 00:32:51

    . Have the tools that they need. Yeah, well, that’s wonderful. So thank you so

    00:32:51 – 00:32:57

    much Joy. I really I know I got a lot of value out of our conversation. I’m sure

    00:32:57 – 00:33:02

    that our listeners got a lot of value out of it as well. There is another side to

    00:33:02 – 00:33:07

    renovating that’s so important to weave into your plan, and that’s how you’re

    00:33:07 – 00:33:11

    going to keep your relationships and your family. The most important thing

    00:33:11 – 00:33:15

    nice and healthy and how you’re going to look after that. Just a reminder. If

    00:33:15 – 00:33:21

    you want Teo, get more information. If you want to find joy, follow joy. You

    00:33:21 – 00:33:26

    Khun. Do that at a few different places. So instagram Solace, Solace. Why

    00:33:26 – 00:33:31

    can’t I pronounce a solace tonight? Honestly, like I’ve got this adopting this

    00:33:31 – 00:33:37

    weird accent whenever I so solace, solace, counselling services on instagram

    00:33:37 – 00:33:42

    or on Facebook again just solace counselling services and also the website is

    00:33:42 – 00:33:49

    solace counselling services dot com dot you. Thank you so much for coming

    00:33:49 – 00:33:55

    in. That was Thanks for joining us on the Dream home movement. Be sure to

    00:33:55 – 00:33:59

    come over and say hi on Facebook and Instagram. I hope that your dream

    00:33:59 – 00:34:03

    home projects are going well and I look forward to chatting with you again

    00:34:03 – 00:34:04

    next week.

     

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